Overdue and Overjoyed

Kevin and I are currently awaiting the arrival our newest baby boy. He was due last Friday and has still shown few signs of wanting to come out into the world.

As we wait and pray about what the best course of action will be if baby does not begin to come on his own, yet another meaningful milestone occurring next week looms in my mind. This one brings a similar emotional tenderness and mental overload but for a completely different reason... June 27 will mark five years since my first husband, Jake’s, unexpected passing.

I had not anticipated that these two events- the birth of my second child, and the anniversary of Jake’s death- would occur quite so closely together, and when I first realized the possibility at my doctors appointment today, I was a little shaken by the idea.

My heart already feels so tender lately- a combination of pregnancy hormones, horrific news events, and the uncertainty of waiting I think. I wondered how I could possibly process two such monumental events, so close together, without being a complete basket-case. For a couple hours this afternoon I was pretty sure that I couldn’t.

Thankfully God has taught me much in the last 5 years. And although there are definitely instances where I doubt my own strength to make it through a given circumstance, I’ve grown in that I rarely question God’s wisdom in handing out those circumstances in the first place.

I trust firmly in the sovereignty of God over all things. So today I’ve done a lot of thinking, and praying, and reading, and writing, certain that God has a hand in the timing of all of this, confident that any emotional trials are for my good and his glory, and assured that there is a lesson for me to learn if I’ll just look to him.

The Lord brought to my mind the story of Job, particularly Job 1:21, where Job testifies, “Naked I came from my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.”

And suddenly it occurred to me what a truly beautiful and gracious and restorative thing God is doing in this season of my life- to remind me in such a clear way- through literal new life- that “though he cause grief, he will have compassion,” (Lam. 3:32) and “from the mouth of the Most High both good and bad come.” (Lam. 3:38) God is a good Father who can be trusted when he gives AND when he takes away. I’m so glad to serve a God who reigns over all and is not bound or limited by my own understanding  of good and bad. He is a good Father, who gives good gifts to His children, the greatest of which being Himself, through His Son, which can never be taken away from us.

All that to say, on this June 27th, I will likely not have a lot of alone time to recount the last 5 years. I probably won’t have the time to blog anything encouraging or profound, as I usually hope to do on each anniversary.  Instead, Lord-willing, I will be cradling new life in my arms- rocking, nursing, singing lullabies of God’s faithfulness, changing diapers, and loving on a new baby boy. A new baby boy who, by the way, will be named Jonathan- meaning Yahweh has given, a connection which I did not fully make until today.

And He truly has given. More than I deserve. More than I could have planned for myself.

His grace abounds towards me yet again, and I am humbled and grateful for each new gift.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

Diana

PS: As I reflected on Job today I read a book of poetry with that same title written by John Piper. I highly encourage everyone to get and read it, but particularly those of you in a season of suffering. It tells the entire narrative of Job (taking some artistic license) in the form of a poem, and presents some really profound theological truths along the way. You can read the entire thing in one sitting, but you may not want to after you realize the depths of the truths presented.

I copied down some of my favorite excerpts below for you to preview and hopefully be comforted, as I have been, by God’s sovereign hand and surpassing worth in the midst of suffering:

And Job would lift his hands to God,

And wonder why he spared the rod

Of suffering. Each day he blessed

The gentleness of God, confessed

His hope in God alone, and said,

“Oh Lord if this were lost instead

And all I had was you, I would

Be rich, and have the greatest good.”

“I came with nothing from the womb,

I go with nothing to the tomb.

God gave me children freely, then

He took them to himself again.

At last I taste the bitter rod,

My wise and ever blessed God.”

And now come broken to the cross,

Where Christ embraced all human loss,

And let us bow before the throne

Of God, who gives and takes his own,

And promises- whatever toll

He takes- to satisfy your soul.

Come learn the lesson of the rod;

The treasure that we have in God.

He is not poor nor much enticed

Who loses everything but Christ.

It is no sin to say my Love,

That bliss and pain come from above.

And if we do not understand

Some dreadful stroke from His left hand,

Then we must wait and trust and see.

Sometimes the spark of faith is slight

And does not make the darkness bright.

But keep it lit and you will find:

Far better this than being blind.
One little flame when all is night,

Proves there is such a thing as Light.

Remember now the place and price

Where Jesus promised paradise.

One answered prayer when all is gone,

Will give you hope to wait for dawn.

When he is finished with his art:

The quiet worship of our heart.

When God creates a humble hush,

And makes leviathan his brush,

It won’t be long before the rod

Becomes the tender kiss of God.